Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
