we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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