Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how drunk are you?
Several
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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