So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
