I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
