You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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