we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
