The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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