My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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