In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
