He is such a slut. More and more my type.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
