it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK