So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Piņatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.