My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
