Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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