I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.