that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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