I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
