I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall