Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
