Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
