Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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