We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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