i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize