Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
