eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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