Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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