I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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