He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
