she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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