i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
