Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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