we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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