i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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