i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
