Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
