I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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