I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
