I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
