just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
