Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
