I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
