he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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