I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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