Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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