I just gift wrapped bread.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
