Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
why is half of my head shaved?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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