but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
