Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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