omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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