Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
