Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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