You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
