I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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