i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
