so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
