Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
