I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
