i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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