yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bring me that man meat
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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