Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
