Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
