Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
