Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
