I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
