Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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