I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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