The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
