I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
