well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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