i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
