did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
